i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
