How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
