sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
