Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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