okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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