someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When are your genitals available?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think people are normalizing furries
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
