Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
