is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
