so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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