The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
