I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
