He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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