We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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