getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We left an ass print on the piano.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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