I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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