eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize