I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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