he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
