Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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