just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
