why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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