Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
