i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
third nipple confirmed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
