Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I forget how to act sober
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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