the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
