My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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