Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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