Porn is love you can see.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
