You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
