so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize