so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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