At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
