I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
