I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
