Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
