i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
