Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
