you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
