and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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