I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
