i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
