I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
