bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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