Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize