My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
