You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
