Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
