Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
