Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
