on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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