Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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