I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize