as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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