and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my shit smells like andre
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
