we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
