At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize