Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
