I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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