I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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