Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
