went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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