I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
