no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
