They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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