He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
