Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
