If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
