I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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