i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
