Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
