Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
