I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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