id be glad to
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
