this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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