i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
