it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
