the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
