are you so shy because you have an std?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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