so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
