Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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