I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
