just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
