happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
this hospital has no fireball
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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